


Someone You Loved

by HJC_LGBT



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, M/M, Not A Fix-It, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, Rants, Sad Ending, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21722977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HJC_LGBT/pseuds/HJC_LGBT
Summary: Steve Rogers. The man Bucky had always loved, the man who said he'd always loved Bucky. The liar.Steve returns an old man and Bucky can't decide if he's more upset or more angry, all he knows is his life is about to change in a way he never expected.(Using lyrics from Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	Someone You Loved

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this made me cry writing it and a friend called me evil for it so please enjoy.

_I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me_   
_This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy_

I couldn't work out what it was that hurt the most. That look on your face or the way that you touched me. You looked like you were already there, back in that time that we knew so well. Then when you hugged me, it felt like someone else. Someone I didn't know. Not you. Not my Stevie.

_I need somebody to heal_   
_Somebody to know_   
_Somebody to have_   
_Somebody to hold_

Sam didn't know, of course. He expected you to be back. Same you. He hoped you'd be back. But that's what you do, don't you? Fill people with hope and wonder and love then you leave. You did it to her. Just she knew how to move on. A gift not all of us were blessed with.

_It's easy to say_   
_But it's never the same_   
_I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain_

I don't think I'll ever forget that night you rescued me from that base. Scrawny little Steve Rogers from Brooklyn was suddenly this big bulky babe. Couldn't take my eyes off you. The way you looked at me, the way you touched me. It was like I was the only person in the world you wanted to see. That was the first time I knew you loved me like I loved you. That was my first memory after I pulled you from the river.

_Now the day bleeds_   
_Into nightfall_   
_And you're not here_   
_To get me through it all_

When you didn't come back at first I was scared, then I saw you. For a second I hoped that maybe just maybe it was you. The proper you. But I knew somewhere in me that it wouldn't be. The smile I gave Sam was forced. A part of me was happy for him, he deserved that shield more than I ever would. But the rest of me felt selfish. Because I was crying and shaking and I couldn't breathe. Because I could only think about me and how this was gonna change my whole life. It all hit me at once that I'd never truly get you back. That I'd never wake up to see your signature smile. That you'd never kiss me again or hold me through the nightmares.

_I let my guard down_   
_And then you pulled the rug_   
_I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved_

I thought maybe everything would be okay now, no danger, no more hydra. Nothing that could hurt me anymore. Just me and you until the end of the line. But then you left. You left us. You left me. Yeah you're back now but what can you do? Truly, what are you good for anymore? Nothing. Nothing but sitting on a bench looking out into the distance and thinking about the life you had that you stole from me to get.

_And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes_   
_I fall into your arms_   
_I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around_

You promised, Stevie. With me til the end of the line that's what you said. That's what we said. That was our promise, our always, our vow. For us only. But you lied. You broke your promise and you hurt me. You said Tony told you to try life. You had one. Here. With us. Me, Sam, The fucking Avengers. The people that love you, that care about you. The people that waited for you. The people who stood behind you against Thanos' army and asked for nothing in return. Even though you asked for everything from us. But you left in the end anyway.

_But now the day bleeds_   
_Into nightfall_   
_And you're not here_   
_To get me through it all_

The end of the line. I suppose I always thought it would end together for us. So that's why I never thought to ask who's line we were going to the end of. Cause my line hasn't ended yet. But yours has. Without me. You never asked. You never once asked how I felt about it. I could understand if I was just your best friend Steve but I wasn't.

_I let my guard down_   
_And then you pulled the rug_   
_I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved_

I was your Bucky. I was the man you loved. Or at least I thought I was. God, it took you 5 years to get over me but you could never get over her. Even though she got over you. A girl you barely knew. Over your best friend for life. Everything I was, everything I am, everything I will be all was because of you. You moulded me a thousand ways then you threw me away. I said I thought that it'd all be okay. I thought nothing more could hurt me. I was wrong Stevie. I was so wrong and I was so stupid because of it. I never realised that the one person that could hurt me more than anyone else, more than hydra, more than Thanos. Hell, even more than myself, was you Stevie. The man who held my heart in the palm of his hand and crushed it like it was nothing to him. The man who abandoned me and everyone who's ever loved him for his own selfish gains. The man who I called Stevie. The man who made James into Bucky. The little punk from Brooklyn who wouldn't back down from a fight that I would've followed into the jaws of death.

_I let my guard down_   
_And then you pulled the rug_   
_I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved_

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Steve prior to endgame so this was mostly me getting out my frustrations at The Russos. Please let Buck be happy in FATWS also bonus points for Sambucky please thank you they deserve better


End file.
